break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
