I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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