yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
