There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
