I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
