nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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