my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
