apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
