im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
