she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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