Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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