I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
