YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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