Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
