No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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