Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
