oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
