don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
