i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there was a trapeze. enough said
I wish they made helmets for livers.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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