Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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