Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
