he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
