ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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