Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
