dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
