He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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