So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
