Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
look no pants
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
