New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
