Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
