I want to stick my p in your. b.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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