This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
