Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
