the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
