i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
