I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
