The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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