Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
