Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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