so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
