i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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