dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
