3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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