i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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