A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
