Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
