You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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