Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
