Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
