"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
