I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
