Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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