i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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