Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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