i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
