I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
