FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
