i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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