I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
