Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
