Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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