we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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