Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
