Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
