this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
